Ask Auntie Pandora Hour
by thehomiewhowrites
Summary: In order to receive more hearts, pandora hosts a talkshow. Hilarity ensues, so stick around! Maybe a oneshot, let me know if you want more!


**Sorry bout this, but I had to reupload the chapter because I I broke rules. If you prefer the other way, let me know!**

Ask Auntie Pandora Hour  
In order to make a few extra hearts, Pandora and Thanatos start a talkshow

Pandora smiled as she sat by the mic. She counted herself down and clicked on the mic.  
"Hello," she said "and welcome to the Ask Auntie Pandora Hour! I am your host, Pandora, Goddess of Calamity and Deceit."  
"And I am your co-host, Thanatos, God of Death!" said a voice. Pandora whipped around to see none other than Thanatos himself.  
"WHAT! WHO SAID YOU COULD BE- never mind." Pandora sighed and looked at the screen showing calls, and was pleased to find out that line one was flashing. "Oh, looks like we have our first caller. Hello! You're on!"

"Hello?" said a voice. "Is this the Ask Auntie Pandora Hour?"  
"Yes. Palutena, is that you?" Pandora replied.  
"Yes. You know, when I said to use your talents to get a job, this wasn't what I meant..." Palutena said.  
"Um..." Pandora said, not knowing how to respond. "Well..." She decided it wasn't worth it and hung up.  
"Next Caller!" Thanatos cheered.  
Palutena called again, and she was not happy. "DON'T HANG UP ON ME I'M NOT DONE TALKING!" she yelled  
"This a question show! Ask me a question!" Pandora retorted.  
"Why did you hang up on me?" Palutena asked, some of her anger gone.  
Pandora rolled her eyes and ended the call.

"You better let me handle the next caller," Thanatos suggested.  
Pandora thought over this for a minute. "He'll just ruin it..." she thought.  
"Um..." Pandora said with obvious sarcasm. "No! Welcome!"  
"Yeah, It's Pit." The angel sat on his bed, radio on, phone to his ear.  
"If this is about me hanging up on Palutena, then hang up now," Pandora snapped, her finger hovering over the end call button.  
"It isn't," Pit replied quickly so he wouldn't get the click of doom. "How did you and Thanatos end up with a talk show anyway?"  
-Flashback-  
Pandora ties up the host of the other talk show and locks him in a closet.  
-End Flashback-  
"Can't tell everyone that..." Pandora thought.  
"Hard work and determination," she finally replied.  
"Oh sure..." Pit said with obvious sarcasm.  
Pandora was taken aback by this. Usually, the angel would believe this, but it was obvious he didn't.  
"What? You don't believe me?" Pandora asked nervously. If that got out, security would be on their butts faster that you could say security, and that was fast.  
"No. There is someone who wants to talk to you."  
"Okay..." Pandora said, knowing exactly who it was. The phone went silent and then she heard Palutena take the phone,  
"Pandora," Palutena began, "How did you really get a talk show? In the labyrinth you said you were not a strategy guide..  
"This isn't strategy," Pandora said matter-of-factly "This is information."  
Suddenly, Pandora heard whispers, followed by the sound of the phone going on speaker. "May I ask something?" Pit asked  
"What?"  
"Out of all of the co-hosts in the world, why Thanatos?"  
"Exactly what I'm wondering..." Pandora mutter,  
"I'm surprised it wasn't Pyrrhon," Palutena teased.  
Pandora's faced turned a bright red as she could imaging the entire pantheon laughing at her. She slammed the phone down with a scowl on her face.  
Thanatos looked at Pandora and shrugged. "Um...Let's take a little break..." He then pressed the button which started the commercials.

Having calmed down, Pandora restarted the show. "Now let's take a new caller. You're on!"  
"Hey babe," said a familiar voice.  
Pandora face-palmed and growled into the mic, "Pyrrhon, this had better not be you."  
"It's Pyrrhon!" Pyrrhon replied.  
"Alright Pandora think!" Pandora thought to herself. "How do I get rid of a Pyromaniac freak..." Pandora snatched Thanatos's chip bag, who cried out in protest.  
"Can it clown!" Pandora yelled. Thanatos canned it. Pandora then proceeded to crinkle the potato chip bag. "Oh...Py...your...break...up...sorry...bye!" Pandora hung up and sighed in relief  
"Next caller!" Thanatos said as he pressed line one.  
"Pandora, you should consider yourself lucky!" Pandora cringed at the voice. "Pyrrhon is the only guy willing to date you!"  
"Lord Hades!" she snapped "You know he is annoying! Why would I date him?"  
Hades laughed out loud. "...You think you are a guy magnet, yet you repel them so well..."  
Pandora, unable to take it anymore, finally snapped. "Oh...looks like we are out of time for this call!"  
"Wait! I-"

"Next!"  
"Hello? Am I on?" said the familiar voice of a centurion.  
"Yes Mr. Centurion..." Pandora said, unable to comprehend why a centurion, all all people, had called in.  
"Captain Pit wanted me to tell you to step up your love life because if you strike out of this, you are out of the love league! And yes I just made a Pokemon reference."  
"SHUT UP AND STOP MENTIONING PYRRHON!" Pandora said as she ended the call. She decided to make a new rule. "Alright! If I hear one more word about that pyromaniac freak, I will find you!"

"Hello! Next Caller!"  
"Hi! I actually have a question."  
"Yes Viridi?"  
"I actually have three," Viridi added.  
"Ask away." Pandora said, relieved to have lived off Pyrrhon.  
Viridi cleared her throat and began. "How do I make walls spin, why is Thanatos your Co-Host and why won't you date Pyrrhon?"  
"Animation Potion, I dont know AND STOP ASKING ME THAT!"

"Next!" Thanatos said, having gotten used to his job as the next guy.  
"Well, hello there!"  
"Hi Phosphora!" Pandora said sarcastically.  
"Mistress Viridi wanted me to tell you to stop turning down the only guy who will ask you out."  
"Tell your goddess to mind her own buisness!" Pandora retorted.  
Phosphora was silent, and she ended the call.  
"Well then..."

"Hello, you're on!" Pandora said, ready to kill the next person who mention Pyrrhon."  
"Yeah, stop hanging up on people. It's rude!"  
"What would you know about rude Dark Pit!" Pandora deadpanned, knowing her epic fail too well  
DP was silent for a moment. "Well...um..."  
"Give me that!" Palutnea's voice was heard as she took the phone. "Pandora, there is no way you will ever get another guy so stop being like that!"  
"Yeah!" Pit said like a snobby child,  
"Oh...you two again!" Pandora said with mock enthusiasm.  
"Hello, it's my call!" DP said as he took back the phone. "Anyway, how do I get girls to like me?"  
Pandora burst out laughing as she thought of DP getting a girl?  
DP remained silently irritated.  
"Heh heh...Things are not looking so good for you are they?" Pit chuckled.  
"Stay out of this!" DP snapped  
"You know what? Give me the phone!"  
Pandora heard thudding as they two angels fought for the camera.  
"HEY!" DP yelled.  
"Goodbye and Thank You!" Pit said as he hung up.

"Hello!" Pandora said.  
"Hey Pandora. Glad to see you are alive," said a smooth voice.  
"Me too!" Pandora said in relief.  
"Hello!" Thanatos said cheerfully,  
"Thanatos? Oh boy..." Medusa grumbled.  
"So how many readers expected you to come on?" Thanatos said.  
For some reason, Medusa lost it."Excuse me, but I AM THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING THE QUESTIONS! THANK YOU AND GOODBYE!" She hung up, leaving the two with a shocked expression

"Hello!" Thanatos yelled.  
"Lord Thanatos! I am greatly honored to be on your show but I must say, how did you get to be Co-Host?"  
"Well, Arlon, I didn't I just walked in!" Thanatos said matter of factly.  
"How rude!" Arlon said, appalled.  
Thanatos snapped as he hated being called rude. "RUDE! HOW WAS THAT RUDE I AM OUT PEACE!" He then ended the call.

Pandora looked at the clock and realized they were running out of time.  
"Alright, we have time for one more call! Hello!"  
"Look out the window!" said and unfamiliar voice.  
Pandora's heart skipped a beat as she saw the host of the talk show that was supposed to take place. "Hi Mister Host!" Pandora asked innocently.

The security began to drag out Thanatos and Pandora as Pandora clung to the micl  
"This was the ask Auntie Pandora Hour! Tune in next week! This is Pandora-" she said.  
"And Thanatos-" Thanatos chimed in.  
"Signing off!"

The End


End file.
